Pretty, isn't it? So, I got this orchid about a week ago thinking maybe it will make things a little brighter in my life. It's always nice to have flowers in your house! (especially your favorite flower) I remember when I would come home or wake up in the morning and there would be a huge bouquet on the table waiting for my mom. I will always remember taking a big wiff and just feeling happier. :) I knew that there was something to look forward to, if it was only the look on my mom's face when she saw them. I was hoping that these flowers would do the same thing. That I could get that feeling back, remember those times when there was something to look forward to. It didn't really do much I'm not going to lie, it's just a flower- it really can't change anything... it is really nice to look at though, and smells good! But the memories that came back to me were not the ones I expected... They were ones of home and it just reminded me how much I miss being there.
I was so ready to leave. I had nothing left there for me. I couldn't go any farther in school, my friends were all either moving, getting married, or just too busy. I had no one, relationship-wise. I was the last one at home. And I didn't have a job worth staying for (working at a school I could no longer attend didn't really work). So what was I supposed to do? I have always had a feeling that I had to leave, that I had to get out of that place, that I was just going to get 'stuck' there and not be able to go anywhere, then have nothing to prove later in life. But why is it that now that I am away, now that I am doing something worth to be proud of, all I want is to go back?
I miss the sun. I miss the heat. I miss knowing where every store is located. I miss my house. I miss my mom and the talks we had late late at night. And I miss my dad and just being able to sit there and watch the discovery channel or the history channel or (and this is most of the time) watch politics, while talking through the big issues in my life, like going to school or learning about what is going on in the world. I miss my cat and her annoying meow. I miss my friends even though they are all doing their own thing and things can never go back to the way they used to be. I miss the spontaneous phone call telling me to go to a restaurant and meet my family for lunch. I miss taking the afternoon and going down to Mesquite just so Grandma can use her machine. I miss my brothers and their jokes. I miss my sister-in-law and her sweet-caring self. (you truly are a good example Melissa and I do look up to you!) I miss my niece and nephew and their quarky lives and giggles and cuteness and everything else they bring to the world. I miss being at the top of the school, being the smart one, rather than just average. I miss my work and the people that I helped for two years! The list just keeps going, never does it stop.
At first I was too busy with my life and the adjustments that I just made to really realize what I just did. But now... now that I actually am kinda settled and am now in the swing of things. Now its hitting me.
It's weird. I have always heard stories of people getting homesick and I always thought that was a weird reason to get sick.... I understand now what they were talking about... I have been handling it okay - I think - it's hard to judge. But I keep myself busy throughout the week, on the weekends I try to hang out with friends (lately I haven't been feeling too up to it.. but I am trying). I go to the games with my roommate. I cook dinner for all of our friends. I bake a lot! I go down most Sundays to Salt Lake to visit my brother and Grandma and to have Sunday Dinner with them. I try to get out of the inversion when the weather permits. I started taking pictures again. Giving myself projects to do. I have a good book I am reading (something to do at night so the emotions don't come)... What more can I do, aside from moving home?
I think keeping myself busy is probably the best bet.
Put a Smile on your face and say to yourself today is going to be a good day! (tell that to yourself enough times, soon it'll be true.) ~Doug.
