Changed...?

I have been sitting here for about 20 minutes just staring at my screen. I have been trying to figure out what I should say. I have tried to write some stuff but then I always end up deleting it. Maybe I should just start with what I am trying to write about.

I am trying to tell you that I am different.

I have been working on figuring myself out and I think something has begun to happen. I think I have changed. I think I have begun to know myself. But what is weird is that I knew myself before. I just didn't do anything about it. I wanted to change. But I didn't. I wanted to act differently, but I didn't. I wanted to be myself, but I wasn't. I just put on a mask and pretended to be someone else. I realized all of this a long time ago. But I still didn't do anything about it.

What happened? .... Truthfully nothing. I just realized tonight that my life is different. I am different. I act differently. I am more myself than ever before. But I don't know when this change happened. When did I become comfortable in my own skin? When did I get confident in my word choice? When did I become myself and stop pretending to be someone else? I don't know. I just realized that it happened.

I still have problems meeting new people out of my comfort zone. And I still feel alone most of the time. However, my confidence is up a smidge. I know that I can do whatever I want. I know that when times are rough that something good will come out of it. Rough times don't last.

But I am not going to lie to anyone, especially myself. I am not perfect. Nor am I 100% happy. And I know that times are just going to get harder. This year is meant to test me. This winter is not going to be easy. I have a lot that I have to worry about and be concerned with. But I know that there is a summer after this winter. I know that I will be graduating and that I can do anything that I want. I know that this time when I decide to do something it will because I want to do it. Not because others expect it of me. I can actually say that now and believe myself. Before I was just lying to myself saying 'ya it's my choice' where I knew deep down it wasn't. I am just not sure of what I should do now. Now that I know that I have the ability to change cause I have actually seen it. What now? It's a scary thought to think about the fact that the whole world is just out there. Wow, this is some feeling. Why has it taken me this long to figure it out?

All's Fair

Oh the fun and exciting things we do as a family! Last night my whole family went to the Washington Country Fair! :) So much fun!!! Here are some pictures of our adventures. All pictures were taken by Jeremy who has been practicing the wonderful art of photography! You did done good there Jeremy!

Getting ready to go! Tate, Taylor, and Allie all sitting on Jeremy's car.

Miah is all smiles! She was such a good baby.

Oh face-painting. Here is Tate with an eagle on his cheek!

Allie with a pink flower (which didn't last long).

Taylor with a purple flower. (Her's lasted the whole night)

No need for explanation! :)

On the ferris wheel that we waited for a half hour to get on! Totally worth it however going slow really is not fun when you are afraid of heights. Taylor kept telling me that it was going to be just fine and just not to look down. :)

All smiles!

Dad patiently waiting. (personally this is the best picture of the night) :)

After the kids rode some rides, the big kids (i.e. me, Jeremy, and Alex) decided to go on the big kid ride- The Spin-Out! We convinced Melissa to come with us right before we got on and it was so much fun! It took you up, flipped you around, upside down, going at top speeds! Melissa was funny, she had her eyes closed the whole time and pretended she wasn't there. :) So fun!

Oh ya!

Thats what I am talking about!

And to finish off the night, Alex just had to get pulled over in Jeremy's car. :) What a way to end the night.

ps i don't know why picture captions are black and some are blue, and why some are underlined but not all of them.... if anyone knows how to fix that please let me know. thanks

I am not alone. I am simply me.

People interest me. Their mannerisms, personalities, and way of being. It is interesting to think of how different everyone is from each other. What's more interesting is how some people are so alike. Almost everyone says how much they are not like their family; that they are the different one, the exception. Only to find out they are pretty much identical to their relatives. Maybe not all of the family members are alike; however, there are most likely one or two that are very similar.

I bring this up because I was the one that thought she was different. I thought I was the exception. My whole life I felt like I was on the outside of my family looking in only to find people 180 degrees from me. What I have recently came to discover is that once I actually stepped into my family, to be a part of the system, I was the same. I wasn't alone in my thoughts. There are people like me.

That is comforting to know. It feels like a weight being lifted off. I know that sounds cheesy and a huge cliche but it's true. The feeling of loneliness has been surrounding me since I was a kid. I may have not shown it but it has always been there. Affecting a lot of the choices I made even if it wasn't prominent or needed.

I felt alone as a child. I felt neglected by my brothers. I thought that they hated me being around, so I just let them do what they do. It was always awkward to me when I went with them anywhere. I felt like I was just butting in. I was alone. I know now that wasn't the case. As a matter of fact it was all me being emotional and not just going with it and having fun. To this day it is hard for me to be one-on-one with any one of my brothers. But I am working on it. I am starting to actually talk to them; I am starting to get to know them and allow them to get to know me. I didn't have to be alone when I was a little girl, and I am not going to be alone when I am a woman. I am glad I have recognized that the relationships with my brothers have effected me so much and that I need to work to change. It feels good to have big brothers again!!

I have always felt alone when it has come to friendship. Which I find ironic because my friends have always been there for me. But I never believed that they truly supported me. Looking back I see how much my friends have stood up for me, cared for me, been concerned, and wanted to be with me. They chose me. Where when I was going through school, my thoughts were completely the opposite. It's weird to think how a simple mental state can affect so many lives, and how changing that mental state can change one's outlook on life.

When it comes to relationships, I have been alone. There is no doubt about that. It's simply a fact. However, when I was thinking about it, I couldn't help but look at all of the relationships I have created. A relationship doesn't have to be romantic, at least not at first. I have many relationships with people who are dear dear friends to me. They are people that I can trust, that I can just talk to and not feel awkward or intimidated. This is a change, I always thought that I needed to be with someone. That it was weird that I wasn't. It's not. It's okay. And even though I am not with someone, I am with the people I can trust. My Family and Friends.

I am not alone. I am simply me.

Sewing experiences

So it has been a very long time since I blogged about anything. I believe the last that I was on here I had written about Miah. It is crazy to think that that was over two months ago. To give a quick update... School ended and I started sitting in on a summer class. I have been working a lot this summer with tutoring and keeping myself very busy. And it seems like every single weekend I go out of town.I figure it is good that I am traveling so much right now. The reason is because I am not sure how much I will be able to travel in the school year, so I should get in as much as I can now just in case.

The last time I was in St. George (last weekend) I was very domestic, as my father put it. I had my first sewing project! I made two little dresses for my niece and cousins daughter! They are so cute! I love them! And was so proud of them! Here are some pictures of them:

Here is Miss Taylor Boren in her cute tinkerbell dress :

And here is Miss Allie Rose in her Minnie Mouse dress :)

Miss Miah Lynn

This is my new niece! Miah Lynn Cornwall was born at 7:53 AM Sunday, April 11, 2010. She was 7 lbs. 1 oz. and 19.5 inches long! Mom and baby at doing great! And so is Alex as sources have said. Apparently, she looks a lot like Tate and Allie. :) It makes me happy just to think about it! I can't wait to meet her!!! :D This week needs to hurry up and get to Friday!

Just Sitting Here Wasting Time

For some odd reason I always find myself on campus hours before my first class. Why you ask? I do not know the answer to that. It's a complete mystery. I could sleep in, I don't have class until 11:30 most days or on the other days I work at 10:30. So, why in the world am I on campus at either 8:30 or 9:00? And to top it off, I stay on campus all day until late each night going home just to eat dinner and then turning right back around and coming back. You'd think that I would want to spend as much time at home as I could. But nope, I still find myself up here sitting and wasting time.

For example, today, right now as a matter of fact. I am just sitting here in the engineering building and have been since about 9:30 doing absolutely nothing. I have been on facebook (big waste of time), I have looked up some grad schools (not too much of a waste of time but didn't really find anything), I have just browsed the internet (....), I have read a chapter in my book (not something that is normally seen on campus), and finally I am writing this (which doesn't really have any purpose but to waste time). Yup. That is all that I have done. Why could I not have stayed home to do that. I mean come on.

weddings, soccer games, and teachers

Wow, it has been a long time...

A lot has happened in the past few weeks. I got to go home for Spring Break (last week) and celebrate my Best Friend's Wedding. Yup, you heard me right. Megan and Jake tied the knot! :) I couldn't be more happy for those two. It's still crazy to think that they are actually married. I don't know why but it just hasn't hit me yet. I remind myself but that doesn't help much. I am sure one of these days it will click. :) Still I am ever so happy for them!

Megan and Jake Probert

03/13/2010 :)

While I was home I got to see all of my family which was so wonderful. I miss them dreadfully! So it was good to spend a week with them. Tate had his first soccer game which I wasn't able to attend however I did get some pictures thanks to Jeremy!

I also spent some time with Katie (my roommate) who came down to spend some time in the sun. So it was a lot of fun that break! I know that a lot more happened but I have to go to class soon so those stories will have to wait for another day. :)

After I got home from the break, I had to hurry up and get caught up on my homework (which I didn't do over the week- not surprising). While I was doing my homework, I checked my email and I had one from the Department Head of Math and Stats informing me that my Complex Variable class for the next day was cancelled due to my teacher having to go into the hospital for an emergency. It said not to worry and to expect class on Wednesday to continue as scheduled. Well, that was okay cause that meant I had an extra day to finish that homework. I was still really worried but I was sure he was going to be okay. So, Monday morning I checked my email again just to make sure nothing had changed, and I had received yet again another email from the department head. This email, however, was not one I would have like to receive. It told me that my teacher had had a massive heart attack and had passed away early Monday morning. Dr. Russell Thompson was a good man and one of my favorite math teachers. He reminded me so much of a Grandpa because of his cheery disposition. I am so sad that he is gone and that it was all of a sudden. My condolences go to his family and I hope that they are all okay. The email also informed me that another professor, Dr. Williams is taking the class over on such short notice. I have yet to hear anything about this teacher. but in about 15 minutes I will find out exactly who he is and what not.

Dr. Thompson is in my heart and will always be remembered as a great teacher.

https://www.usu.edu/science/index.cfm?in-memoriam-russell-c-thompson

two forms of ID?

Getting a library card is just as difficult as renewing your license. This morning, Katie and I went over to the county library to get a library card so that we could check out books whenever we want. We thought 'oh it won't take that long and its free so we are good, right?' Wrong! Now it wouldn't have taken that long, if we had two forms of ID one of which has the address at which we live and the other needs to be a picture ID. Not too difficult right? Wrong. It turns out that the only thing that I have that has my address on it that would work is my lease agreement which is somewhere in the bottom of my drawer full of papers.... All this for a free card... :)

So, I guess getting a library card is easier than renewing your license, but still. It's free why do we need a whole bunch of stuff... Oh and guess what. If you are under the age of 5 you are not allowed a library card. At least not in Logan your not. Its interesting.

As we were driving to the library, you could see the inversion moving in over the city. It was kinda cool looking but really disgusting- right next to the beautiful blue sky was this layer of dark grey. :( I have a feeling its going to be a red air quality day once again. Good thing I am staying inside practically all day today. :)

Pot Roast, Birthday and Birthday Wishes!!!

For my birthday my parents bestowed upon me a lovely present; that of a 26" flat screen tv. It is pretty! Well, I just barely got it set up and working (thanks to a quick phone call to Jeremy!) So exciting!! :) Thanks to everyone for an amazing birthday! I know it's a little late but better later than never!

Shout out to my oldest Brother!!!! I love you to death! I want to wish you the best birthday and year to follow!! I hope all your wishes come true! Love you so much and I am so happy/grateful you are my brother! You are a great example of someone who works hard to get what he wants out of life! I look up to more times than not and I know that I can always look to you for advice or help in any way! Love you! And Happy Birthday! :)

So a little subject change here- I threw in my pot roast today! The smell in my apartment is amazing. I am just praying that it turns out.... :) This is my first time cooking a pot roast and so I didn't know really what to do. But, with pointers from my grandma, and finding a recipe in my new recipe book (even though I didn't use it) I was able to make my way through throwing everything in a crock pot and turning on the heat. Ha Ha. :) I will post pictures once it is done so you can see the end result. :)

Well, back to the grind of doing homework. :)

cool story hanzel....

Life has been happening.... what is there to say? Sometimes it is really overwhelming, and other times it seems like nothing could be better! How do you handle the two extremes? Do you just ignore the bad and focus on the good? Ya, tried that one. Didn't turn out so well. The bad just built up into something that was unbearable and I just exploded with emotions. There has to be some happy medium. A happy place where everything is good and nearly worry-free. (I doubt a place actually exists but it's a nice thought.)

So, my life. For the past like month it has seemed like everything that could go wrong, did. All the way from locking myself in my room for really no reason, to finding out I was getting a new roommate and that she might move in on my birthday (not a fan of that idea!) I just got so caught up in everything I forgot to look around. I haven't wanted to deal with anyone else's crap and so I didn't, which was completely out of character for me. Usually, when I get down in life, I start caring more about other people and trying to fix their problems. It's a way for me to help someone even if it is not the person who needs it the most.... me.

I just had enough. I found out I was losing my Grant for school, and that I might not get Federal Aid. Which means that I may not have enough money to live here next year. I found out, like I mentioned before, that I was getting a new roommate and that she is crazy and more of an emotional wreck than me... It was also a realization that I may be doing something that I may not want to be doing and that that is what might be confusing me.... I came to another realization that I am not a fan of weddings (sad day huh?) but ya the whole idea of a huge ordeal all focused on you, all the planning, stress, and drama- not pleasing. Don't get me wrong, I love it when my friends/family get married, I really do! And I do want to get married someday. I am just not a fan of the idea of everything that it involves... at least not right now in this time of my life.

Let's see what else. Oh, I figured out that I am avoider, I avoid the major issues in my life. And generally feel guilty for things I should be doing in life when there is really no point to feel guilty at all. I came to the realization that my closest friends and I hardly ever talk, and that is just because of how my personality is with other people, it has nothing to do with my friends at all! Take Katie and I for example, we don't ever talk at least not in person. If we do talk its either on Facebook, or through text while we are in the next room... Or we will both be preoccupied with something else and casually talk about stuff that is going on. Never really serious and never while being in the same room.

Now, see all of these things (and there are many, many more) people have told me about them. All my life people have told me about what I act like, and that these things are true. I just have never listened I guess. Or maybe it was that I was listening, I just thought that they were crazy and that they didn't know me. I wanted to be different from what they thought of me. Well, turns out you guys knew me pretty well. And all this realization came to me all at once. What a shocker that was. And boy, I did not handle it well at all! Still, even now I have problems cause I don't know what in the world I am doing. During the day I put on a smile and just go through the same old procedure I do all the time. But as soon as I get out of that rut I have created for myself, oh man do I get confused.

It is bit better now. I had a much needed weekend. Since my 21st birthday was on Wednesday, I decided to go down last weekend to St. George to visit my family! It had been two whole months!!! That may not seem like a long time, but really it was a long two months of straight winter with no sun! That puts a huge damper on your spirits! So last weekend, even though it was crazy busy, extremely loud, and got very little sleep (thanks to my adorable little niece Allie Rose), I got to see the sun! :) I got to feel the warmth as the rays penetrated my skin! It was so worth the 6 hour drive! And what made the trip even better was that I got to see my mom and dad, and sleep in my own bed, and play with my niece and nephew, and just be home! That right there is the biggest uplifter! :)

So, I just read through this and its kinda a downer, but my life is getting better promise, its just stressful and if you know anything about me, you would know that I don't handle stress well at all!

So That is my story and I am stickin to it... (and in words of Katie as a response- 'cool story hanzel')

From School to the Weekend...

Can I just say something? Last week was so crazy! A test on Monday, homework due on Tuesday, another test on Wednesday, homework (equivalent to that of a test) on Thursday, and a final test on Friday. Lets just say I was glad that the weekend came when it did!

For this weekend, I went down to visit my brother and Grandma in Salt Lake. It was so relaxing! I started the weekend just hanging out with my grandma, then I went with my roommate and got my legs waxed- can I say ouch? Ya it was okay for the most part, but boy did that hurt... And to top it off Katie's aunt (she was the one who did it) had gone over my legs like 3 or 4 times. My legs are so stubborn! They are still prickly! I mean honestly- I go through that pain and it didn't even work... Okay, it did work its just prickly still. Apparently, that is just what happens on your first time to some people. Totally worth it though! I have gone two days and there is no sign of any ugly hair growing back any time soon! Totally would do it again! :)

Anyways, now that I am done talking about information that you probably didn't want to know about, I am going to warn you about playing cards with my grandmother...

She cheats... Just saying. Just because I had beat her in a few hands... I mean honestly, she just comes out and beats my butt so bad that I didn't even have time to put my hand down. I was in the negative!!! Twice!!!! Ya, she skunked me that bad! Brutal! That's what it was! I tried to tell her that when and if I win- its really a compliment to her! It means she has taught me well. :) I understand the strategy and the process- its a compliment! She is just a great teacher! I tried to tell her that but she didn't listen... :( she still skanked my butt. I am warning you now, if you ever beat her just once she is ruthless!

Another exciting thing that happened this weekend, was that my bestest friend Malea McArthur had her baby!!! I have to make a special note to her and Bob!!! I am so happy for them! Baby Mina was born on February 15th, 2010 at 4:09 AM. She was 7 lbs. 7 oz. and 20.5 inches! I cannot wait until I go down so I can see that little pretty girl! Both pretty girls!

Now, I am home. Back in cold Logan, back waiting to go to school for yet another week. So, I will leave you now and go enjoy some olympics! :)

Avenue Q and Mardi Gras!!!

Yesterday, my roommate Katie, and friends Levi and Aaron went to the Capitol Theater in Salt Lake to see Avenue Q. It was awesome! I had never been to a play at the Capitol Theater before and can I just say how amazing it was? Not only was it beautiful there but the play itself was hilarious!

"AVENUE Q is the story of Princeton, a bright-eyed college grad who comes to New York City with big dreams and a tiny bank account. He soon discovers that the only neighborhood in his price range is Avenue Q; still, the neighbors seem nice. There's Brian the out-of-work comedian and his therapist fianceé Christmas Eve; Nicky the good-hearted slacker and his roommate Rod -- a Republican investment banker who seems to have some sort of secret; an Internet addict called Trekkie Monster; and a very cute kindergarten teaching assistant named Kate. And would you believe the building's superintendent is Gary Coleman?!? (Yes, that Gary Coleman.) Together, Princeton and his newfound friends struggle to find jobs, dates, and their ever-elusive purpose in life." -from the Avenue Q website.

I could not have said it better myself. :) It was probably the funniest musical I have seen in a while. Katie had listened to it a few times cause she had the sound track, and trust me if you just listen to the sound track- it's really difficult to understand what is going on. Most of the songs are quite... um.... interesting. Ha ha :) I will give you an example.

Some song titles include:

1. "What Do You Do With a B.A. in English?"
2. "It Sucks to be Me"
3. "If You Were Gay"
4. "Everyone's a Little Racist"
5. "The Internet is for Porn"
6. "I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today"
7. "My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada"
8. "Schadenfreude" (my personal favorite)

Just to name a few.... :) Ya, sounds weird huh? That's what I thought the first time I heard it. I really didn't understand what she was listening to and personally I kind of thought she was nuts. But when it comes down to it those puppets were hilarious. :) The whole play was an enjoyment to watch and now I totally understand the soundtrack! Overall, great experience! And I would probably do it again!

Once we got back up to Logan, there was a basketball game against Nevada! Apparently, that game was amazing- even better than the BYU game! We did so good! I am kind of sad I didn't go but I had A TON of homework to do and happily I got it all done while my roommate was at the game!

I did it that way so that I could go to MARDI GRAS! :) I love USU for a few reasons and their activities is a big one! Mardi Gras is a big dance they throw every year! Beads, tons of poker tables, loud music, crazy outfits, performances, face painting, hypnotists, and did I mention tons of beads and Crazy Loud music??!! I am not the biggest fan of dancing (mainly because I can't dance) but that was so much fun. :) Both Katie and I am pretty sore from yesterday. That just evidence of how much fun everything was!

Here are some pictures of the Capitol Theater:

During Intermission

The beautiful Chandelier (I couldn't believe how breathtaking it was)

And finally me and Katie :)

BBQ, Garlic, and Onions

I made Hamburgers tonight. However, they weren't the normal hamburgers that my family makes. I was really craving BBQ sauce, and garlic, and oddly enough onions! So thats what my hamburgers had in it. :)

I put in it 1 lb lean ground beef (obviously), half an onion, a clove of garlic, salt and pepper to taste, and about three squirts of BBQ sauce. I mixed it all up (yes mom I even used my hands, I had that gooey nasty meat in between my fingers. *still can't believe I actually touched it but I did*)

After that, I made my patties. This was a little difficult cause it was really gooey and they kept falling apart... well I got them to stick together but as I was cooking them (remember I live in an apartment- we can't have access to a BBQ so I just grilled it on my stovetop in a pan- can you say difficult?) Those hamburgers fell right apart. I think I put a little too much BBQ sauce, and I know that the onions were way way too big. Make sure if you make these you cut the onions really really small! And I think 3 small squirts would be okay. Just judge it accordingly.

Wow I sound like a cook book :)

So yeah, anyways, I got them all cooked. Put a patty on my hamburger bun and put a little minced garlic on the top of it as well as a little sauce and some lettuce.

And Lo and Behold.....

Doesn't that just look amazing!?

Yup, so that was my story about tonight. You should try it! It tastes pretty good! OH and it makes like 6 regular sized patties. So, yeah.

It's kinda difficult to cook for just one person. I accumulate a lot of dinners for multiple nights just by cooking one night...

OH so you know that pumpkin pie I made the other night...? Ya so the next morning I took the tinfoil off of it and there was a whole through the tinfoil... the residue was on my pie. It was really weird. I don't know what could have happened.... Any ideas?

Welp, I have to go type a paper. So adios for tonight.

All The Difference

I was cleaning up my computer, putting random papers and files into the correct spots, and I ran across this poem that I had written in my senior year of high school. I wrote it for an an essay scholarship called All the Difference. I don't think I ever turned it in, but I figure I will post it on here. :) (I'm warning ya it's kinda different...)

The River

Rolling alongside the shore line,

moving swiftly down the bank,

silently taking in whatever splashes its way.

We glide upon it as if it were glass,

with full anticipation,

not knowing what lay in store.

Gathering many rocks,

abruptly turning white,

unexpectedly becoming angry.

It suddenly enlarges,

twists and turns about,

transpires into different colors.

Deepening into the abyss,

beginning to roar as if it had no care in the world,

doing whatever it felt like, with no regard for us.

We could see the boulders,

hear the roar broaden,

feel the rumbling under our feet.

We could see no more,

it became the horizon,

all we could see was white.

A cloud in a stormy day,

a spray from a blender,

connecting to the middle of the earth.

As we got closer, the emotions grew,

we didn’t know what to do,

all we could do was wait.

We came around the bend,

closer to the horizon,

which abruptly crept upon us.

We were finally there,

there was no turning back,

only one way to go.

No longer were we going straight,

going through the familiar place we all knew,

we were stuck.

I could not see,

I could not breathe,

I was alone.

It surrounded me,

swarming around and around,

not letting me out of it’s grasp.

It held tight to me,

not wanting to let me go,

I didn’t know where I was.

Dark was above me,

light was below me,

I tried to get to the light.

I could feel the coldness of the air

strike my face,

like needles hitting the floor.

Looking back,

seeing what I came through,

feeling a sense of relief.

On my back moving fast,

I tried to get my bearings,

no idea where I was.

I heard my name,

I looked in that direction,

swimming to that place.

It was strong,

tried to keep me,

I fought… I won.

Standing on the bank,

watching it swiftly move away,

it forgot I was even there.

But I didn’t forget,

I remember everyday,

and that has made all the difference.

home-sick much?

Pretty, isn't it? So, I got this orchid about a week ago thinking maybe it will make things a little brighter in my life. It's always nice to have flowers in your house! (especially your favorite flower) I remember when I would come home or wake up in the morning and there would be a huge bouquet on the table waiting for my mom. I will always remember taking a big wiff and just feeling happier. :) I knew that there was something to look forward to, if it was only the look on my mom's face when she saw them.

I was hoping that these flowers would do the same thing. That I could get that feeling back, remember those times when there was something to look forward to. It didn't really do much I'm not going to lie, it's just a flower- it really can't change anything... it is really nice to look at though, and smells good! But the memories that came back to me were not the ones I expected... They were ones of home and it just reminded me how much I miss being there.

I was so ready to leave. I had nothing left there for me. I couldn't go any farther in school, my friends were all either moving, getting married, or just too busy. I had no one, relationship-wise. I was the last one at home. And I didn't have a job worth staying for (working at a school I could no longer attend didn't really work). So what was I supposed to do? I have always had a feeling that I had to leave, that I had to get out of that place, that I was just going to get 'stuck' there and not be able to go anywhere, then have nothing to prove later in life. But why is it that now that I am away, now that I am doing something worth to be proud of, all I want is to go back?

I miss the sun. I miss the heat. I miss knowing where every store is located. I miss my house. I miss my mom and the talks we had late late at night. And I miss my dad and just being able to sit there and watch the discovery channel or the history channel or (and this is most of the time) watch politics, while talking through the big issues in my life, like going to school or learning about what is going on in the world. I miss my cat and her annoying meow. I miss my friends even though they are all doing their own thing and things can never go back to the way they used to be. I miss the spontaneous phone call telling me to go to a restaurant and meet my family for lunch. I miss taking the afternoon and going down to Mesquite just so Grandma can use her machine. I miss my brothers and their jokes. I miss my sister-in-law and her sweet-caring self. (you truly are a good example Melissa and I do look up to you!) I miss my niece and nephew and their quarky lives and giggles and cuteness and everything else they bring to the world. I miss being at the top of the school, being the smart one, rather than just average. I miss my work and the people that I helped for two years! The list just keeps going, never does it stop.

At first I was too busy with my life and the adjustments that I just made to really realize what I just did. But now... now that I actually am kinda settled and am now in the swing of things. Now its hitting me.

It's weird. I have always heard stories of people getting homesick and I always thought that was a weird reason to get sick.... I understand now what they were talking about... I have been handling it okay - I think - it's hard to judge. But I keep myself busy throughout the week, on the weekends I try to hang out with friends (lately I haven't been feeling too up to it.. but I am trying). I go to the games with my roommate. I cook dinner for all of our friends. I bake a lot! I go down most Sundays to Salt Lake to visit my brother and Grandma and to have Sunday Dinner with them. I try to get out of the inversion when the weather permits. I started taking pictures again. Giving myself projects to do. I have a good book I am reading (something to do at night so the emotions don't come)... What more can I do, aside from moving home?

I think keeping myself busy is probably the best bet.

Put a Smile on your face and say to yourself today is going to be a good day! (tell that to yourself enough times, soon it'll be true.) ~Doug.

Pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin!

Don't you just love pumpkin? Well, I do. :) Tonight I made a pumpkin pie! Doesn't it look so great? The smell is amazing! Now, its time to go test it out and see if it tastes even better...

Hello People! :)

To start, I figure I will let you see a picture of me, just so you know what I look like. The reason I am doing it now is because the one thing I hate is when you are reading something like a blog or website or article and you just want to know what the person looks like. It drives me crazy if there is not a picture of them so that I can imagine them talking. So, to not do what I hate- here is a picture of me.... PS I don't take pictures of myself so don't be surprised if you only see this one of me :)

I'm glad you are taking the time to read my blog. :) My insights will probably bore the living daylights out of you. However, I am just going to write whatever I feel like anyways. :) (hopefully you won't find what I have to say too dreadful). I named my blog 'Just About Anything' for one reason and one reason only! This blog will have just about anything on it! Coincidence that I should name it that- I think not.

I know that's kind of cliche but it's the truth, I could be writing about just about anything. Plus, when the little thingy came up and was like Blog Title I had no clue what to put so I thought 'hum... what will this be about? Cooking, Photography, Friends, Family... well it's just about anything, really... so I should name it.... ummm no that won't work. what about... nah thats not good either.'

*p.s.-a little side note, even though you are so interested in my discussion with myself, I know what you are thinking- did she really say all of this to herself? The answer is yes. Even the hum and ummmm and nah.... all of it!

Time in- so after my long conversation with myself I finally decided on Just About Anything. I am quite happy with my decision. :)

So, where do I start? I don't really want to be the type of person to start off the blog with telling you all about myself with pointless information that most of you already know. You know exactly what I am talking about. Those people that always have to start off by mentioning the fact that I am currently trying to survive through my last year of college, or the fact that I am surviving whilst being 400 miles away from home. Or maybe they mention things like I am really into photography and cooking (which I am), or that... I tried to think of something

else but nothing came, so I am going to stop now. I think you got the point. :) I am not going to start my blog like that. :) Instead I am going to share something with you that you might enjoy!

The other day, I made this really yummy goulash! Oh my word, it was amazing! I don't care if you think I am being selfish about how wonderful my cooking skills are- this tasted amazing! What is even better is that tonight I was trying to decide what to cook for dinner... and for the life of me I couldn't decide. So, as I was peeking into the fridge I noticed in the little container that had been pushed into the back unnoticed... Lo and Behold! It was my goulash! I only cooked it a few days ago, so I knew that it was still safe to eat. So, I popped it in the oven and heated it up- mixed some yummy, yummy cheese in it. Let it cook for a little bit longer then enjoyed eating it!!! After a few minutes I had eaten every single bite! :) Good Food!

(sorry its so dark)