When it comes to decisions, I have a very difficult time. I know that after I make a decision, life gets a whole lot easier. There is a different kind of stress involved and it seems like choices become easier to make, and the tasks do not seen so daunting.
The last time I blogged, I mentioned that I may not be going to Ireland. Well, I am here to announce, this is not true.
I am moving to Ireland.
I am accepted into the Masters of Science in Mathematics at University College Dublin. I start September 10, 2012 and will receive my Masters by the end of the Summer of 2013, with very good prospects of beginning my PhD. in the Fall of 2013 and obtaining that within a few years after.
This means that come the middle of August, I will be living in Dublin, Ireland.
I am excited!
While I was visiting my old professors at Dixie State, I stopped in to see Mr. David Jones, my old Biology 1610 instructor, and friend of my fathers. Walking into his office, I had an attitude of "I am not going to Ireland because I don't want to take out a student loan and be in debt my whole life." Walking out of his office my attitude was "I am going to Ireland and not letting anything stop me." So, what happened you ask? Well, let me tell you the story.
As I walked in there, David asked me how I was doing and we quickly got onto the subject of my future plans. I had told him of my acceptance into UCD but how I wasn't going because I couldn't find any grants or scholarships. He stopped me and said that I wouldn't find any funding like that and that I should just take out a loan. I was hesitant when he mentioned this and resistant to the fact of going into debt. That is when David said something I will never forget. He told me that his student loan is the only bill that feels right to pay. He mentioned how much he hated paying rent, his car payment, gas, and so forth, yet, he never, not once, regretted paying his student loan. The reason was because the student loan was the only thing he has purchased that was actually worth it, that actually gave his something and made him a better person. He went on to ask me where I wanted to be in 5 years time, and he gave me two choices. One, do I want to be trying to make a living, working, most likely as a teacher for grade school, hating every second of it, or working at a bank or whatever, trying to settle down and pay a 100,000 dollar mortgage for a crummy little house plus a car payment and all the other odds and ends that a small family needs that could be repossessed at any time if I failed to pay? Or, do I want to move to Ireland, obtain a Masters/PhD, have a secure job, paying off 100,000 dollar loan (at most) for an education that can never be repossessed, working under some of the best mathematicians in the world, being able to travel anywhere going to seminars in multiple countries, and oh ya, living in freaking Ireland which has been a dream of mine since who knows when?
So, which hand do you want to choose? Do you want to sit there with your kids telling them that you could have had the chance to live in Ireland, or do you want to be an example to them to go after their dreams?
That did it.
I was moving to Ireland and nothing was going to stop me. Even if I completely fail at the course work, who cares. I still have the opportunity to live in Dublin for at least a year. So, I got ahold of the Professor that I would work with and told her that I was coming. Naturally, she wanted to speak with me over Skype and discuss everything. Because of the time difference and the fact that she was only available at noon in Dublin, I had to wake up at 5AM to speak with her. Not only was I tired but I had more anxiety than when I was actually accepted with my initial interview.
The conversation was somewhat of a let down. The first thing she said to me was that she does not recommend me go over there with no funding, but that my decision to take out a loan was just that, my decision, she didn't have to agree with it. After talking about how I was going to pay for my schooling, we got down to the nitty gritty. Initially, I wanted to get straight into a PhD program and continue her research pushing it into a variety of fields. I was hoping that she would accept me into this and tell me the next steps of housing and what not. This is not what she said. She suggested that with my background it would be smarter to start with a Masters and then use my Minor Thesis for my beginnings of my Dissertation. This was not what I wanted to hear right then. And that day, I really questioned myself. I questioned if this was right, if doing the Masters was right, if doing the student loan was right, if anything I was deciding to do was what was right for me.
I had gotten accepted into the Masters program without really looking 100% into it because my heart was set on getting into the PhD program. So, after Dr. Smigoc told me that I should just concentrate on the Masters and prove myself for the PhD, I looked more into it. The deeper I researched the program the more comfortable I felt. This is when things started falling into place. I was able to get ahold of the correct people to obtain the loans needed and I have gotten many of the questions I have all answered. It started feeling like I was doing what I needed to do.
I felt good about Dublin.
Every day I feel even better about going to school at UCD.
I am scared to move. I am scared to be so far away. But it is more of an excitement than a fear. I have major anxiety. I haven't been able to sleep. And every time I think about it my stomach churns into knots. But everything is working out. Everything, so far, is going very well.
All that I wish is that the people at UCD would email me back a little sooner.
