I am not alone. I am simply me.

People interest me. Their mannerisms, personalities, and way of being. It is interesting to think of how different everyone is from each other. What's more interesting is how some people are so alike. Almost everyone says how much they are not like their family; that they are the different one, the exception. Only to find out they are pretty much identical to their relatives. Maybe not all of the family members are alike; however, there are most likely one or two that are very similar.

I bring this up because I was the one that thought she was different. I thought I was the exception. My whole life I felt like I was on the outside of my family looking in only to find people 180 degrees from me. What I have recently came to discover is that once I actually stepped into my family, to be a part of the system, I was the same. I wasn't alone in my thoughts. There are people like me.

That is comforting to know. It feels like a weight being lifted off. I know that sounds cheesy and a huge cliche but it's true. The feeling of loneliness has been surrounding me since I was a kid. I may have not shown it but it has always been there. Affecting a lot of the choices I made even if it wasn't prominent or needed.

I felt alone as a child. I felt neglected by my brothers. I thought that they hated me being around, so I just let them do what they do. It was always awkward to me when I went with them anywhere. I felt like I was just butting in. I was alone. I know now that wasn't the case. As a matter of fact it was all me being emotional and not just going with it and having fun. To this day it is hard for me to be one-on-one with any one of my brothers. But I am working on it. I am starting to actually talk to them; I am starting to get to know them and allow them to get to know me. I didn't have to be alone when I was a little girl, and I am not going to be alone when I am a woman. I am glad I have recognized that the relationships with my brothers have effected me so much and that I need to work to change. It feels good to have big brothers again!!

I have always felt alone when it has come to friendship. Which I find ironic because my friends have always been there for me. But I never believed that they truly supported me. Looking back I see how much my friends have stood up for me, cared for me, been concerned, and wanted to be with me. They chose me. Where when I was going through school, my thoughts were completely the opposite. It's weird to think how a simple mental state can affect so many lives, and how changing that mental state can change one's outlook on life.

When it comes to relationships, I have been alone. There is no doubt about that. It's simply a fact. However, when I was thinking about it, I couldn't help but look at all of the relationships I have created. A relationship doesn't have to be romantic, at least not at first. I have many relationships with people who are dear dear friends to me. They are people that I can trust, that I can just talk to and not feel awkward or intimidated. This is a change, I always thought that I needed to be with someone. That it was weird that I wasn't. It's not. It's okay. And even though I am not with someone, I am with the people I can trust. My Family and Friends.

I am not alone. I am simply me.